DOCTOR WHO IS INVADED BY IDIOTS HELLZ YEAH!
by A.Dalek.An.Ood.And.A.GuineaPig
Summary: The two craziest girls known to man, or woman, or 2-hearted alien are dumped unceremoniously on the poor suckers at the set of our favourite Sci-Fi drama. What horrors will await the "Doctor Who" cast? R&R yes, it's crap but it's the best crap you'll get


**"Doctor Who" Is Invaded by Molly & Beth!**

_by the Dalek and the Ood_

**A random crack!Fic, with all the characters and Martha-bashing, cos she's fun to bash !! Enjoy! :D**

* * *

_THIS IS A ONE SHOT._

_One sunny Cardiff day..._

"What the heck??"  
"Where the devil are we?"  
"How should I know?! That's why I said, '_what the heck?_'!"

Passers-by all ran away when they saw the talking-cardboard box shaking violently right outside the studio. It was such an odd sight that the whole area was clear by the time the box tipped over, throwing two strange girls out.

One had light brunette hair and blue eyes, which travelled around the area in a surprised manner. She was obviously a _Doctor Who _fan, as she was wearing a familiar pinstripe suit beige trench coat and Converse trainers. Her mother had convinced her not to gel her hair up like David Tennant's though…  
The other had long blonde hair and - again - blue eyes, but she was lying on her back, moaning as her head had made contact with the ground. She was wearing a cheerleader outfit…no word on _why _yet.

"Where are my pom-poms?" cried the cheerleader, whose real name was Beth.

"How should I know?" snapped the copycat-Doctor, who _really _was called Molly.

Both girls got to her feet and while Molly looked around, Beth opened the box and fished out two pink pom-poms which matched her outfit.

"Why would Maddie trap us in a box and send us _here_?" Molly asked. Maddie - otherwise know as _Guinea Pig_ - was Beth's twin sister and had become annoyed of her friends' jabbering, thus locked them in a box.

"Well, I say we go in _there_!" Beth exclaimed, pointing at a large building which kinda looked like a bomb shelter made HUGE - and neater.. On it was printed a huge "STUDIO SIX", and as they got closer, they found a clipboard saying what was being done here.

* * *

"**Oh my**…"

The clipboard read '_Filmed from 6AM-11PM: 'Doctor Who'_'.

A huge clang was echoed around the studio as the Cheerleader and the Doctor's jaws hit the floor.

And suddenly…

"_SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!_"

Both girls didn't stop squee-ing until the need for oxygen was dire, and by that point they were both wrestling with each other to open the door.

* * *

Finally, they sprung through onto set at the same time. Few people looked up as they were all hard at work, and then the girls saw a familiar Scottish actor reading lines, and wearing the _original _pinstripe suit!  
"DAAAAAAAVVVVIDDDDDDD TENNNNNNAAAAAAAAANTTTTTT!" they both yelled, and suddenly Molly shot by like a rocket and, in her own words, 'glomped' the poor guy; which basically was a run, jump and hug, which made the 'glomp'-er very happy, and the 'glomp'-ee bruised, as they were knocked off their feet.  
"What are you doing??" David asked, prising Molly off him.

"Wow, you sound _Scottish_!" Molly breathed. Beth joined her and stared - mouth agape - at the man.  
"Right. Hi," he muttered, dusting himself off and walking off.

Much to his dismay, he was followed by this odd duo of cheerleader and 'Doctor'.

"I love your show!" Molly babbled, "It's awesome - _you're _awesome! I cried when Rose left. Then_ Martha _came!"  
At the same time, both girls shuddered and cried, "_Ewwwwwwwww_! _**Martha**_!"

The hilarity of these girls' attitude would have been funny had not they annoyed poor Mr. Tennant so much already.

* * *

"Are you gonna keep following me?" he asked grumpily.

"Yes!" Beth insisted, "Tell us what happens at the end of Series 4?"  
"Yes! Is Rose coming to _stay_?" Molly asked  
"Is she?" Beth prompted.  
"Is Donna gonna _die_?" Molly demanded  
"_Noooooo_! She can't!" Beth wailed.

"What's on Donna's back? _-GASP!-_ Is it a Racnoss?"  
Here, Beth turned to Molly and said, "Errrrrr…_what_??"

Molly merely shrugged half-heartedly and returned to pestering David.

"Are you gonna regenerate?"  
"I heard Johnny Depp's gonna join on as the Doctor!"  
"That can't be! Can it, David?"

"Shut up!" David cried.

"Oooh, that's impolite!"  
"_Shuuun_!"  
"_'Shun'_?"  
"Yes, shun. SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUN-A!"

"Be quiet, Molly,"  
"Yes, please do," David muttered under his breath.

"Oh, how rude!"

Suddenly, David turned and bellowed, "SECURITY!!"

"Ooooooooh, that's not good."

Instantly, Molly and Beth both leapt forward. Fearing another 'glomp', David covered his face with his arms protectively. Instead, Beth and Molly both grabbed one of his legs and held on tightly.

"LET GO!" David yelled as two burly security guards appeared.

"NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!"

* * *

One hour later, the girls were still hanging onto David Tennant's legs, being dragged behind him. Poor Mr. Tennant was becoming tired a) of dragging around 2 fourteen-year-old girls and b) of their insistent chatter about how cool 10/Rose was and how lame 10/Martha was.

"Will you shut up down there?" David panted, sitting down and surveying the two new additions to his legs.

"No. Anyways, I heard there's actually gonna be a 10/Martha rebellion!"  
"Nooo!!"

"We must stop them!"  
Seeing his opportunity at both girls' distractions, David shook them off his legs and ran for it, locking himself in the Mens bathroom.

"How immature," Beth said, shaking her head.

* * *

"Hello,"  
Molly looked up into the face of a kind-seeming lady, whom she recognized (from the _Doctor Who _Confidential) as a director.

"Hello," Molly beamed, getting to her feet. She scowled when she saw how intently the lady was staring at her.

"Beth," she hissed, to the cheerleader who had just stood up, "Lady Director Person is staring at me in a sexual way."  
"Ew,"  
"I know who you are!" **L**ady **D**irector **P**erson (L.D.P) suddenly yelled, "You're David's stunt double, yes?"  
"What?! No!"  
"Well, you certainly look the part!" L.D.P laughed, grabbing her hand and motioning to the outfit, "You'd make a good stunt double! Come on!"  
L.D.P pulled Molly away from Beth, onto the film set where a big, 8-foot tall model of a Tardis stood. Molly resisted the urge to hug it as she was yanked up a ladder to the roof.

* * *

"Right, you have to jump,"  
"Jump?"  
"Yes."  
Molly obliged and did a tiny bunny-hop on the spot. L.D.P did not look amused.

"Okay, just…ROLL CAMERA!!"  
Molly looked confused as the cameras whirred into action, but didn't have time to think of it as she was pushed off the Tardis.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!! (mommy)!!" Molly shrieked as she fell the 8ft, and landed uncomfortably on a illegally thin airbed on the floor.

"Owie…"  
"Brilliant!"  
L.D.P clapped as she helped Molly to her feet, "You _are _a great stuntman!"  
"I can act though!" Molly exclaimed, seeing her opportunity.

"I'm sure you can, but right now, you're my stuntman!"  
"Nooooo! I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, I can act, _I CAN ACT_!" Molly moaned, "I _wanna _act! I _wanna _act! I _wanna _act! I _wanna _act! I _wanna _act! I _wanna _act! I _wanna _act! I _wanna _act! I _wanna _act! I _wanna _act! I _wanna--_"  
"Okay, fine!!" L.D.P cried, covering her ears, "You can replace David Tennant as the Doctor; he'll regenerate into a 14-year-old girl, okay?"

"No." Molly said flatly, "I like David. I have _my own _idea!"  
"Which is?"

"I can be………" (the suspense is killing us), "…….the DOCTOR'S DAUGHTER!!"

_(chirp chirp chirp…)_

"Well?"  
"It's already done."  
"No! NO, NO, NO!" Molly cried, "See, see…when the Doctor's hand is in the machine-thingy, _twins _were made!"  
L.D.P actually looked interested, "Continue…"  
Molly looked excited and began pacing, throwing her hands around madly, "And while I'm being created, Jenny is doing the whole _'Hello, Dad'_ - (urgh, so corny) --"  
"I directed that bit!!" L.D.P cried happily. Molly's scowl shut her up.

"Anyways, after I'm done, I pop my head around the door all **cute-like** but they're all _gone_! So, I do lots of running! And I don't say _anything _cheesy!!"

L.D.P suddenly exclaimed (ahem, very loudly), "**I LOVE IT!!**"

* * *

As Molly was recovering from her destroyed ear drums, L.D.P cried, "What shall the weird alien Bad-Guys be?"  
Molly shrugged and pointed to her cheerleader friend, who, throughout all this time, had been throwing darts at unfortunate passer-bys who ran by in hopes to not be hit. L.D.P ran over, and narrowly avoided two mean-looking darts.

"Weird alien monsters?" she asked excitedly. Beth's imaginative-yet-odd brain went into overdrive, and she said, "Well…the Doctor, he's fighting a _duck_, right? BUT, the duck is _evil_, so the duck **attacks** him, and poops on him! XD!!"

"You…are a **GENIUS**!!1!!1!!" L.D.P cried, hugging both of them. Both of them _squee-ed _muffledly into L.D.P's chest, before Russell T. Davies wandered over.

"Hey, listen…" R.T.D said, "I _love _the ducks…"

He smiled at Beth, who beamed back stupidly.

"But…I'm not so sure about the daughter thing."  
Molly drooped sadly, "So…I still gotta be the teen-afied Doctor."  
"_Oui_! It will **REALLY MESS UP 'DOCTOR WHO'!**"

R.T.D did an evil laugh, and thunder outside cracked, and lightening streaked the sky. Then, he stopped and the sunny day in Cardiff came back. :)

Molly and Beth shrugged as he walked away, and ran to simultaneously glomp David Tennant - who never saw it coming…poor sod.

* * *

Billie Piper entered a moment later and one thinly plucked eyebrow raised at the sight of her old co-star being _attacked _by glomps!!  
"Errrr…right…"  
The girls looked up and at the sight of Billie…

"YAAAAAAAAAAY!! SQUEEEEEEEEE!! IT'S BILLIE PIPER!!"

Freema Agyman followed in after Billie.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Freema and Billie looked at each other, and exchanged, "Errrrrrrr…"s.

L.D.P ran over, "Right, Molly --"  
"How do you know my name?"  
"Never mind that. Anyways, as you are the _'new' _Doctor, you must KISS Freema passionately."  
Molly's face reflected that of a woman who was being held at knifepoint by a crazy murderous rapist.

"NEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR!!" she shrieked.

Molly turned and her eyes widened (even more than they were already) when she saw Freema puckering her lips and putting on Very-Cherry lip-gloss. The sight was horrific.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Molly shrieked, and suddenly turned into a Chibi.

Chibi!Molly dived for cover behind David's leg, clutching his trousers so tightly one leg ripped off. David scowled and shook the poor Chibi off, before stomping back to wardrobe.

Beth suddenly began running around, screaming like a headless chicken.

Molly glomped David and Billie and held them tightly together.

* * *

Lawrence Fox, Billie Piper's _husband_,walked in (after being called by Freema), and rescued Billie from the glomp.

Freema was cackling evilly. Christopher Eccleston randomly appeared, slapped Freema ("You meanie!"), slapped David Tennant ("MARRY BILLIE!") and disappeared again.

Molly and Beth were now trying to scare off poor Mr. Fox by using their own made up martial arts Cosplay-Chi and Duck-Kwan Doe, takes on Thai-Chi and Thai-Kwan Doe.

Lawrence Fox fled for the hills, and David and Billie smiled at each other, before taking each others hands ("God, I've missed holding your hand in bad situations." X3).

Molly returned to glomping the newly made couple, and Beth returned to running around like a headless chicken. Basically, the whole set was destroyed.

Catherine Tate - fully ready for a normal day at work as Donna Noble - walked in…

Saw the mess…

And walked out again.

* * *

The next day, the cast and crew gathered in a quarry, as it seems _'Doctor Who' _is often filmed in quarries...etc etc…

"YAY! A QUARRY!!" Beth and Molly shrieked, hugging and jumping up and down on the spot.

Molly walked away and began jabbering to David Tennant, who really wasn't listening. Billie Piper then wandered over and smiled at Molly.

"Hello……..er…….."  
"Molly!" the girl supplied.

"Oh, hello, Molly!"  
Molly gasped, "OH MY GOD!! YOU KNOW MY NAME!!"

As Molly began squee-ing, Beth began talking to L.D.P, telling her where the killer ducks were to appear from.

"I want them marching in an order down the quarry-side chanting _'DUCK-A-HA! DUCK-A-HA…!'_!"

L.D.P sighed, "Already been done by the Sontarans."

"Oh, maaaannnnn!" Beth grumbled.

She went to Molly, who was still talking to Billie and David when a Special Effects guy jogged over, with a small controller that had a single red button on it.

"Okay, Molly, David gets speared, regenerates and **POP**! Molly appears! When I press this button, right, he'll glow, which is the cue for you and him to swap places, and --"  
Molly, who was tired of the curiosity, pushed the button.

Freema, who was casually walking past, exploded.

"…oops…" Molly stammered.

* * *

Catherine Tate walked along the quarry, hoping for a more normal day, when she saw the madness on set.

"Oh, great," she muttered sarcastically, before turning and leaving again.

* * *

"That was fun!!" Beth exclaimed. They were finally back at her house, and entered grinning, "Can we go back tomorrow?"  
"Of course!" Molly laughed, "My unbreakable contract lasts _10 weeks_!"

The girls cheered loudly, and high-fived. A moment later, Maddie came downstairs.

"Hey, you're back! I thought I sent you to Madagascar!" she yawned.

"Nope! Cardiff!" Molly beamed.

Maddie's eyes widened, "Oh no. _What _horrors did you inflict on the cast of _'Doctor Who'_?"  
The two girls merely smiled innocently, and tiptoed away. She'd find out…eventually…

* * *

Ten weeks and a few months later, Molly and Beth jumped down in front of the sofa.

"DOCTORWHODOCTORWHODOCTORWHO!" They squee-ed, as the T.V flickered into action.

"I can't believe series 5 is FINALLY starting!" Beth laughed.

"And I'm in it!"

Maddie walked in at this point, scowling.

"You better not have ruined it." She moaned, perching next to them.

"There will be 10Molly shippers all over the internet."

"I thought you were the Doctor…" Beth said, confused.

"No…I WAS the Doctor for an episode, but then some random crap happened and 10 came back, and I became a normal person! :D" Molly cried enthusiastically.

"Oh, yes that makes PERFECT sense." Maddie growled sarcastically.

"SHADDUP! IT'S STARTING!"

"SQUEEEEEEE!!"

As the credits rolled in, Molly leapt up in amazement.

"Starring David Tennant, and Molly insertlastnamehere"

* * *

Suddenly, there was a roll of thunder, and a crack of lightning (or is it the other way round?), and Beth randomly burst into tears.

"What happened?" Beth sobbed.

Then, to add insult to injury, R.T.D appeared.

"Sorry guys, but it turns out that we messed up the first episode, so we have to redo the WHOLE of the 4th and 5th series. At least you two will be in it as well."

Molly and Beth looked at each other in dull shock, before Molly seized the opportunity to act like the Doctor.

"What?

_What_?

**WHAT**?!"

* * *

**WHAAAAAT? WHY ARE YOU STARING AT US?!**

**THIS IS ALMOST AS GOOD AND CRACK FILLLED AS OOD'S 'MARTHAXREINETTE SLASH FIC' :D**


End file.
